


Winter's Lily

by Mayori



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crossover, F/M, Lily Evans is Loki, Loki is Lily Evans, Loki is Lily Potter, M/M, Marauders era, Rebirth, There is still magic tho, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-14 00:53:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4543893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayori/pseuds/Mayori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seventeen years before, on the same day Loki fell, a little girl was born. Her parents named her Lily Evans, and everywhere she went, people praised her for her beautiful green eyes. </p>
<p>OR: When Loki let go he was reborn in Midgard as Lily Evans, witch extraordinaire and the object of James Potter's fascination. Few months before Lily's eighteenth birthday, the Asgardians and the Avengers crash into her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alien Princes and Magic Lilies

**Author's Note:**

> Ok here's a WIP I am rather fond of.   
> To fit Harry Potter with Avengers, I pushed some events into the future. For example, the students of Lily Evans time are born in 1998, around 38 years in the future. The Lord Voldemort of this FF is born around 1946 and he "officially" became Lord Voldemort in 1998 when he was around 52 years old. He graduated Hogwarts at 1964, disappeared for 10 years after he killed Hepzibah, then came back to ask for the DADA job at 1978. After his application was rejected, he disappeared for another 20 years (building his power base and stuff) before he struck his first attack and declared himself as Lord Voldemort to the public.   
> Dumbledore's story remain untouched. The only thing I changed was that he became a headmaster at 1975 instead of 1955.

Chapter One:

Alien Princes and Magic Lilies

 

When she was seven years old, Lily Evans started to have dreams about an alien prince who was constantly overshadowed by his brilliant, golden brother.

She dreamt about the black haired prince’s childhood until his adulthood; she watched as his good deeds were ignored and his bad ones punished harshly while his brother’s acievements were celebrated and his failures ignored. In her dreams she felt the man’s bitterness and anguish at learning he was not what he thought he was.

She felt hopeless, watching the man fall into a dark void, turning into a ball of light and disappearing.

When she was nine years old, Lily Evans’ dreams of the alien prince stopped and she forgot about him. That wasn’t so strange. Children often had so many thoughts in their minds that forgetting old dreams were no great difficulty.

Lily honestly did not mean to forget about the prince, but the older she grew the more things she discovered about herself. It started innocently enough, with her crying over her the broken pearl necklace her mother had loaned her after she broke it with an accidental tug.

The auburn haired child knew her mother won’t punish her, but the girl felt so _guilty_ over what she had done and how she _wished_ she could fix her mistake!

As sorrowful tears dripped from her wet cheek down to her mother’s broken accessory, something undoubtedly magical happened. Lily stubbornly wiped at her tears before her eyes focused and she could see the pearls floating above the ground, the string that had broken was floating as well but it was now whole as though it had never broken at all.

Amazed, Lily’s eyes watched as the pearls slipped into the string, unbothered by the metallic ends, until the pearl necklace was complete and whole. The string of pearls dropped onto the ground, it looked so innocent, as if it was just an ordinary necklace that wasn’t floating just moments before!

Reverence in her eyes, Lily hesitantly picked the necklace off the ground.

It didn’t fly or try to escape her grip. As far as Lily could tell, it _was_ an ordinary necklace.

“Lily!”

The girl in question jumped up when she heard her sister call her name loudly. Turning her head, she saw her blonde sister approaching her. Petunia looked nervous.

“Lily! How many times do I have to tell you not to wander around by yourself; this is not a good neighborhood!”

“Look Tuney!” Lily said, showing her sister their mother’s necklace. Petunia blinked and then narrowed her eyes at the accessory.

“Wasn’t that broken?” She asked.

“It was, it was! But it put itself back together, see?”

Petunia’s thin lips pulled down in disapproval. “Mommy said not to lie, Lily! Obviously the necklace wasn’t broken.” Ignoring her younger sister’s protests that she wasn’t lying, Petunia’s hand circled around Lily’s wrist, pulling her. “Now let’s go home; I heard from Nancy that the Snapes’ boy likes to spy on people around here!”

“Nancy is a lying liar!” Lily indignantly told her sister. “She doesn’t know the Snape boy, anyway!”

Unbeknown to the Evans’ girls, a black haired boy watched them from afar, blush adorning his pale cheeks.

“Lily.” He whispered her name to himself, privately thinking that the pretty name suited her pretty self.

*

The strange incidents continued.

There was the time when Lily’s hair grew back after Mrs. Evans accidentally cut too much of her front hair. Then, there are times when she’d wake up floating off her bed, or when broccolis mysteriously disappeared off her plate.

The most recent incident occurred when Cousin Tabitha asked Lily to be her flower girl. Nine years old Lily’s cheeks filled with color and pride at being asked, because she was given such an _important_ job.

Petunia had such a fit, though. Which might explain why she ‘accidentally’ spilt orange juice on Lily’s dress an hour before Lily’s big entrance.

And just like when she was on the park months before, Lily ran to a place where she could be alone and cried because her older sister could be so _cruel_ without really meaning to.

_“Brother, that’s not a good idea.”_

_“Know your_ place _, Loki!”_

Lily groaned mid-sob, the sting that accompanied the memory extremely and unexpectedly painful. Except, she knew it shouldn’t and couldn’t because it’s a memory and it’s not even hers. At that moment, she remembered the sadness and bitterness of the alien prince who was pushed away, away and away, constantly shadowing an older brother who was also cruel without meaning to.

“Mean,” She said, new tears spilling from her eyes. “Older brothers and sisters are _mean_.”

“Well, I don’t know about brothers but big sisters can be rather mean.”

Startled by the voice, Lily looked up to see Adam, Tabitha’s younger brother smiling at her. He knelt down and stared at the bright orange stain on the front of Lily’s dress.

“I saw what Petunia did,” He told her. “It wasn’t very nice.”

Lily sniffled, holding herself back from wiping her nose with her stained dress. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Adam’s nose twitch before he gave her a handkerchief.

“Thank you,” She said wetly as she received it. Then, in reply to what he said, she said: “She doesn’t mean to.”

Adam pulled out another handkerchief, this one unexplainably wet, and he began to rub it against the stain. “And that makes it worse,” He replied. “When I was a kid, Tabitha…‘tricked’ my father into leaving me behind in the supermarket.”

Lily’s head snapped up, not having expected to hear that. Unable to imagine _her_ father leaving her behind on her sister’s word, she asked: “H-how?”

“Oh my sister is _gifted_.” He said with humorless laugh. “I am gifted too, I suppose, but my sister’s always been better than me when we were children. The point I am trying to make is, my sister didn’t do that out of cruelty but that doesn’t mean it didn’t feel cruel, or that it’s okay.”

“Why not? I have to forgive her if she doesn’t mean it, don’t I?”

“It’s always good to forgive,” Her teenage cousin replied. “But just because someone didn’t mean to be cruel doesn’t mean they weren’t. You can forgive, but you mustn’t forget; forgetting makes you an easy target, understand?”

No really understanding, but obediently nodding her head, Lily wondered what made her cousin so bitter. He frowned at Lily’s dress, looking confused.

Following his eyes, Lily gasped. Her dress looked spotless, as if it had just come out of its box. Hugging Adam happily, she said: “Oh, oh! You cleaned it, you did! Thank you, thank you!”

“But… _oh you’re.._. Yes, you are welcome I suppose.”

Not at least bothered by Adam’s faint reply, Lily jumped to her feet and began to skip towards the chapel, the wedding march leaving her lips cheerfully.

During the reception Adam whispered something to his mother, Aunt Samantha, and the woman beamed proudly at Lily, and sneaked her a can of Lily’s favorite fuzzy drink, which Mrs. Evans had forbidden her from drinking.

Later, when Lily accidentally bumped into Petunia and spilt juice on the blonde’s dress, Lily learnt that a wet rag can’t possibly clean up a colorful patch of a white dress _that_ well.

*

“It’s not hurting you,” Lily told her sister, letting her fist close gently around the flower. She felt it wilt, and she gently deposited the flower into the ground. “It’s just some fun.”

“It’s not natural!” Petunia corrected sharply. Her lips then twitched in a smile for a moment, before she asked: “How do you do it?”

Lily’s reply was cut off when the sisters heard the bushes rustle as a boy stepped out of his hiding place behind the green plants. The blonde Evans’ lips pulled down in disapproval as she took in the boy’s worn clothes and hallowed cheeks, obviously deciding that he was part of the “wrong crowd”.

Petunia stood in front of Lily protectively.

“It’s obvious isn’t it?” The new arrival asked, cheeks flushed and eyes bright with excitement. Lily frowned, pushing her older sister aside so that she was now standing in front of the boy.

“What is?” asked Lily.

“You’re… You are a _witch_.” He whispered with a smile.

Lily twisted her nose, looking insulted. “That’s not _true_. You are mean!”

Petunia looked angry as well, grabbing her sister and pulling her behind her once more, away from the boy. “Come Lily!” She ordered, her nose in the air. “Let us go find some _respectable_ company!”

Lily nodded her head and walked behind her sister obediently.

“ _No_!” The boy said, his black hair flapping as her ran after the sisters. Lily stopped, forcing her sister to stop as well. The redhead gave Snape a cold look.

“Well?”

“You _are_ a witch, but there is nothing wrong with that; it means you can use magic. My mom’s a witch, too and I am a wizard!”

Petunia burst out laughing. She turned to her sister and shook her head in disapproval. “Wizard! Don’t mind him, Lily; he’s the Snape boy! I told you about his family, remember?”

Obviously not liking where the conversation was headed, Lily nodded her head hesitantly. With a superior smirk, Petunia told Snape: “Run off then, Snape. My sister knows who your family are, and _we_ don’t want anything to do with the likes of you!”

Snape looked angry; his face flushed and teeth bared. “I don’t have to listen to _you_ ; you are a _muggle._ ”

While Petunia did not understand what he said, she did understand what he meant. She gasped and tightened her hold on Lily’s wrist. She turned on her heel and marched away from the boy, Lily trailing behind her. 

“Why I never!” Petunia fumed as they walked back home. “He’s a rude, rude boy! I don’t want you talking to him Lily!”

The girl was not paying attention to her older sister, however. Instead, she turned her head to where the boy was standing, a curious feeling welling in her chest.

_Magic_.

*

When Lily is ten years old, Severus Snape tells her everything he can about the wizarding world. On the morning of her eleventh birthday, Lily Evans wakes up screaming.

“I am sorry father!” She called out, thrashing on her bed. “I am _sorry!_ ”

Her mother threw herself on Lily’s bed, trying to hold her daughter down. Lily’s father began to stroke her hair gently, making hushing noise. “Hush my baby girl, it’s just a nightmare – you never have to apologize for anything.”

Lily stopped moving.

“I…” Lily sobbed, remembering who she used to be. “I am not a monster?”

“Of course not!” Exclaimed Mrs. Evans, looking angry. The anger seemed to melt off as she looked down at Lily. She kissed her youngest daughter’s forehead. “You’re _our_ little angel.”

“What if…” She choked, remembering Odin, Thor, Frigga – her supposed _family_. “What if someone tried to take me away?”

Mr. and Mrs. Evans seemed troubled by their daughter’s question, but they answered her nonetheless.

“If someone tries to take you away, mommy won’t be pleased my sweet.” Her mother told her, brushing a lock of red hair off her daughter’s face.

“Daddy won’t be pleased, either.” Her soft-spoken father told her. “I will beat them off with a stick, if I must. I reckon it’s a Dad’s job to protect his family, eh?”

Lily let out a broken giggle, knowing that her family wouldn’t stand a chance if the Aesir decided to come for her, but deciding that she had never felt more loved. She felt another person climb on her bed, and opened her eyes to see Petunia staring determinedly at her.

“You are my little sister and I will protect you…” Then, her voice dropped to a whisper so that only Lily could hear her. “…even if you are strange.”

Lily tried to sniffle and huff at the same time, choking instead.

Closing her eyes Lily Marie Evans, who was once known as Loki Odinson, slept on her bed, surrounded by a family who loved and treasured her.


	2. Wilting Flowers, Growing Healthy

Chapter Two:

Wilting Flowers, Growing Healthy

 

As Severus said, Lily’s letter arrived in the hands of one Professor Filius Flitwick, a short man with a friendly expression on his face. With a wide smile on his face, he explained to his parents about Lily’s magic and the school.

The part of Lily who was once Loki recognized the fact that the man had goblin ancestry.

Petunia, who had been hiding behind the sofa Lily and their parents were sitting on, jumped out when she heard that her younger sister would be attending a boarding school.

“No! You can’t take her away from us!” Petunia exclaimed, the scene from the morning still clear in her mind. “She’s our family!”

Professor Flitwick looked as surprised as Lily felt. Looking flustered, he said: “Well young lady, whether your sister attends or not is up to her – and your parents, of course.”

Petunia’s blue eyes met Lily’s green ones. “You can’t go! You can’t go!”

She did not know what to say, so she turned to her past self’s knowledge. The Loki part of her did not know how to answer such a frantic demand. Lily didn’t know how she could tell her sister that she had already made her decision a long time ago.

“Tuney, I…”

The older sister didn’t need to hear her younger sister’s words to know that Lily was going. Tears filling her eyes, Petunia turned around and ran upstairs to her room.

Lily jumped to her feet and tried to chase her sister.

“Tuney! Tuney!”

Her father large hand wrapped around her forearm. He gently pulled her back into the sofa and nodded to his wife.

Mrs. Evans excused herself before she followed her eldest child.

“Lily,” Her father said firmly. His own green eyes, less piercing than Lily’s, met his daughter’s. “Do you want to attend…?”

“Hogwarts.” The short man supplied.

Her father nodded. “Right; do you want to attend Hogwarts?”

Without a second to hesitate, Lily nodded her head eagerly. “Yes Daddy. I want to learn and be the best!”

Professor Flitwick smiled at her. “Then I might see you at my House, Miss. Evans. Ravenclaw has always prized the desire for knowledge.”

Lily’s wide green gaze fixated on the short man. “House, sir?”

“Well Miss. Evans, Hogwarts employs the House System…”

*

Lily’s parents decided to leave shopping for school supplies until after summer vacation began. Her letter had arrived during winter break, and they did not want her to be distracted by magic.

She was not bothered by their decision; as Lily, she was good at waiting, and as Loki she was even better at not being disappointed. What bothered her, however, was Petunia.

Her older sister was ignoring her.

While they weren’t the closest sibling pair in the neighborhood, they were always friendly to each other and it hurt to be suddenly isolated from shunned from her sister’s life. The fact that she reminds Lily of Thor does not help either.

They were both golden, popular with their peers, innocently cruel and an older sibling.

The Loki part of her tells her to give up – he says that Petunia is too similar to Thor and that she was too filled with jealousy. Instead, he tells her, become a better friend to Severus; he’s the first friend they don’t share with Petunia or Thor.

And currently with Petunia ignoring her, Severus is her only friend.

Perhaps that is why she invited him to come to her home. His excited expression pulled a smile on her own face.

“Your house is nice.” He tells her as he wrapped his grandfather’s dark coat around himself self-consciously, and Lily was struck with feeling of regret for having such a nice family when Severus and his mother were stuck with someone as lazy and as unproductive as Tobias.

“Thanks.” She answered awkwardly. “Do you want cookies?”

After Severus nodded his head furiously, Lily and the black haired boy were sitting in the kitchen chewing on Mrs. Evans’ cookies.

“Tuney is ignoring me.” Lily told her friend, a miserable expression on her face. Severus’s hand stilled as he was reaching for another cookie.

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

Severus munched on his third cookie, a thoughtful expression on his face. Suddenly, his eyes brightened and a smile spread his face wide. “When is your sister coming back from her volleyball practice?”

Lily looked at the clock that was hanging above the refrigerator. “Um, in an hour I suppose.”

“Excellent!” Said Severus as he jumped to his feet. “Come on!”

With a confused expression on her face, Lily followed Severus up the stairs. “Where to?”

“Petunia’s room, of course! Now which one is hers?”

“The one on the left.” She answered. Before Severus could enter her sister’s room, Lily grabbed the boy’s wrist. “But why are we going there?”

“We might find clues about your sister’s behavior! Don’t you want to find out why your sister is acting like this?”

Lily knew she was being manipulated, she was once the silver-tongued Loki after all, but she really wanted to know why Petunia was acting so strange. So, going against her common sense, Lily followed Severus into her sister’s room.

Finding the letter was perhaps the worst thing Lily had ever done.

*

Anger captured Lily’s being in a horrible, unrelenting grip. Her experience as Loki gave her a sharp and unforgiving tongue that wanted only to hurt back.

“You didn’t think Hogwarts was so bad when you wrote to the headmaster and _begged_ him to take you in.”

“Beg!” Screeched Petunia angrily. “I didn’t beg! Wait… how did you know about the letter?”

“I saw his reply. It was too kind.”

“You –” Petunia choked. “My room – how could you?”

Lily glanced towards where Severus stood nearby, his mother fussing over him. Petunia gasped.

“I knew it; I _knew_ he’d turn you into a _freak_ like him – poking your nose into everything like he does with his own!”

“No, we weren’t _poking_ …” Lily said defensively.

Humiliation tinged Petunia’s cheeks pink, and Lily instantly knew that she had done the wrong thing by mentioning the letter.

“No,” She choked. “Tuney, I am sorry… I just wanted to understand…”

“NO!” Petunia said loudly. “ _You_ don’t understand anything – I _don’t_ want to go to your school of _freaks_ and I don’twant to be your sister anymore! _Freak_!”

She spat out the last word before she stomped off towards their parents. Lily felt tears collect in her eyes before she ran into the Hogwarts Express, looking for a place she could cry in peace.

Severus joined her, but only after two rowdy boys had invaded her compartment without so much as a ‘please’.

The boys were too busy talking about some sport to notice her puffy red eyes.

“Lily –”

“I am not talking to you!” She hiccupped, and the boys took notice of her then.

Severus looked hurt, but Lily didn’t care. If it wasn’t for him, Lily would not have gone into Petunia’s room and they’d still be sister!

“Why?”

“Tuney hates me!”

“So?”

Lily bared her teeth angrily. “So she’s my sister!”

“But she’s just –” He backtracked, and Lily knew he was going to say ‘muggle’. “But we are _going_!”

One of the boys, the one with hazel eyes jumped up and said: “If she doesn’t want to talk to you then leave her alone!”

Lily blinked, surprise clearly etched on her face. She didn’t think those two were paying any attention to her and Severus’s conversation. Severus scowled at the two boys, as if he had just taken notice of them.

“No it’s okay.” She said, wiping away some new tears. “Sev doesn’t like Petunia much. He just doesn’t understand.”

The boy who had shouted at Severus did not seem to like her explanation, but he sat back down at least.

An awkward sort of silence filled the small compartment, before Severus said to Lily: “You better be in Slytherin.”

The boy who had tried to defend her from Severus laughed. “Who’d want to go to Slytherin? I think I’d leave.”

He turned to face the boy he had been speaking with few moments ago. The boy frowned and said: “All my family’s been to Slytherin.”

“Blimey!” The hazel-eyed boy exclaimed. “Here I thought you looked alright!”

The boy threw his head back and laughed. “Hey, I might break tradition! Which house would you go if you had the choice?”

The other boy pretended to brandish an imaginary sword.

“Gryffindor, ‘where dwells the brave at heart’. Just like my dad!” He said, and Lily smothered a giggle behind her fist at his antics. Nevertheless the boy seemed to hear her, and he grinned at Lily.

The redhead felt her smile wither. If Petunia reminded Lily of Thor in terms of looks and popularity, then this boy reminded her of Thor with his easy confidence and quick smiles.  

Severus had heard her giggle as well and he scowled at the boys. Her friend said: “If you prefer to be brawny over brainy, I suppose Gryffindor’s perfect for you.”

“Where are you planning on going, since you are neither?” The boy who said he’d break the family tradition asked, and the part of Lily that was happy she even had a friend felt angry at the boy’s remark but she didn’t do anything.

Her green eyes were gazing into the boy’s hazel ones.

The boy with hazel eyes extended his hand. “I am James Potter.”

Hesitantly, Lily reached out and grasped it. He grinned, and Lily gave him a small smile back. “Lily. Lily Evans.”

Lily didn’t know if taking James’s hand is a mistake, and neither did Loki. She knew that Hogwarts is going to be quite the fascinating adventure, however.


	3. Interlude

Interlude:

 

**What Petunia Wrote:**

Dear Professor Dumbledore,

You must be surprised to receive my letter. My name is Petunia Evans, and I am thirteen years old. You have recently invited my little sister, Lily Evans, to attend Hogwarts. I wish I could ask you to take back your invite, but I can see that she really wants to go, so I won’t.

I am Lily’s big sister and it’s my job to protect her, so please won’t you let me come to Hogwarts too? I know I don’t have any magic in me, but I promise I won’t get in any one’s way, I just want to be with my sister. I will bring my own work and study by myself – all I want is to be next to Lily, to protect her from people like Snape.

Lily is my only sister in the world, so please don’t take her somewhere I can’t follow.

Full of hope,

Petunia Evans

*

**The Reply She Received:**

Dear Miss. Evans,

I was indeed quite perplexed when I received your letter. I understand that you have recently celebrated your thirteenth birthday? Allow me to congratulate you on that first, my dear girl.

From your letter, I can see that you are a very dedicated older sister – I find that very admiring, and my good girl there are very few things in the world I find worthy of my admiration.

However, I can also see that you are too dedicated. You only see yourself as an older sister, and that is not a good thing. It seems to me that your role has become your identity and you feel at loss without your younger sister, who helps you fulfill your role.

From personal experience, I know that being an older sibling is hard. It is important to not become too absorbed in this role and to find your own identity. At the same time, you must not forget that you are still an older sister. Finding balance, my dear girl, is important.

Perhaps, some distance between yourself and your younger sister would be the best way for you to find this balance, for I am afraid that your lack of magical ability disqualifies you from even entering Hogwarts, as the protections that surrounds the school are designed to repel any non-magical.

With my deepest apologies,

Albus Dumbledore  

*

**What James Potter Thought:**

James Potter was born to Charles and Elena Potter, an elderly couple who had thought they’d never have children.

A late arrival to his parents’ life, the Potter couple were rather mellow and easy going. As such, James grew up as a spoiled but well-intentioned child.

He liked to get what he wanted and he could hold a grudge like nobody’s business if he wanted to. He also liked to make people laugh, whether it was at his own or other people’s expense, and he was a dutiful son.

The day he received his letter was the happiest day of his life, and the day he left for the station was his most hectic. His mother cried all the way to the train station, thankfully by the time they arrived she had stopped and had a wide smile on her face.

Then, his father began to cry. In the middle of the station.

“My boy,” He sobbed, Elena patting his back comfortingly. “Following my footsteps. I can’t be happier!”

Despite his words, more tears slipped from his eyes. James, unlike other boys who’d have been embarrassed by their parents’ antics, grinned and threw himself at his parents for a hug.

After promising them he’d write every week, his mother spotted her sister and brother-in-law and dragged Charles with her to greet Mr. and Mrs. Prewett. Figuring he’d send the Prewetts’ a letter laced with itching powder as revenge for stealing his parents later, James tried to lift his trunk into the train.

Unfortunately, he overestimated himself. One half of the trunk landed on the train, while the other on his foot.

“Merlin’s beard!”

James Potter heard a cheerful laughter behind him. Turning around with a promise to fatally prank whoever’s laughing at him at his lips, James stilled.

“I knew my trunk wasn’t the only heavy one around here!” He said, indicating at the one he was lugging behind him. “I’ll help you if you help me, deal?”

James grinned and nodded his head. He could tell this was going to be the start of a wonderful friendship.

After they managed to lift their trunks into the train, they ducked into the first empty compartment in the train, talking animatedly about Quidditch and who’s going to win the World Cup this year.

The compartment was unfortunately already occupied. The girl was sitting near the window, crying.

Uncomfortable but knowing that there are very few empty compartments, James and his new friend gave the girl her space. James figured that he’d offer her a chocolate frog when she feels better.

Besides, she looked like she was part of the “good sort” his parents wanted him to mingle with.

A boy with greasy black hair, already wearing his robes, opened the door. James prepared to tell him to piss off but the boy pushed the door closed and settled himself next to the crying girl.

He didn’t seem to realize that the girl was crying.

“Lily –” He said excitedly, and the girl stopped hiding her face between her arms. Despite the fact that her eyes were puffy, James was taken aback by how beautiful the green irises were.

He had never seen such bright eyes in all of his life. Something inside burned.

“I am not talking to you.” Lily croaked tiredly, hiccupping slightly. The boy frowned and asked: “Why?”

“Tuney hates me!” The girl exclaimed, fresh tears

“So?”

James wanted to punch the boy; he sounded so careless!

“So she’s my sister!”

“But she’s just –” The boy stopped talking. James knew he was going to say something insulting. Then, as if to salvage the conversation, the boy said: “But we are going!”

James couldn’t stay quiet anymore; the boy was rude, and seemed to only bring the girl more tears. He jumped off his seat and loudly said: “If she doesn’t want to talk to you then leave her alone!”

Both Lily and the boy seemed surprised at his words. While Lily tilted her head to the side, a curious expression on her face, the boy twisted his face in displeasure at his interference.

The girl wiped some stray tears as she said: “No it’s okay. Sev doesn’t like Petunia much. He just doesn’t understand.”

James didn’t understand how the girl could give the boy excuses. Any boy who made a girl cry is most certainly part of the “bad sort” his parents warned him about. Nevertheless, he sat back down.

James glared at the boy, waiting for him to make the girl cry again so that he could punch him in the face.

The greasy git then told Lily: “You better be in Slytherin.”

James couldn’t hold back his laughter. “Who’d want to go to Slytherin? I think I’d leave.”

He turned to face the boy he had been speaking with few moments ago. The boy frowned and said: “All my family’s been to Slytherin.”

“Blimey!” James exclaimed, taken aback. “Here I thought you looked alright!”

The boy threw his head back and laughed. “Hey, I might break tradition! Which house would you go if you had the choice?”

James pretended to pull a sword from his belt, trying to get a laugh from the girl.

“Gryffindor, ‘where dwells the brave at heart’. Just like my dad!” He said, and he heard the girl giggling. He grinned happily at her; Lily’s laughter was far better than her tears.

The burning inside intensified.

Suddenly, Lily’s smile dropped from her face.

‘Sev’ did not seem to enjoy the fact Lily had been paying him any attention. He scowled at both James and his new friend and said: “If you prefer to be brawny over brainy, I suppose Gryffindor’s perfect for you.”

“Where are you planning on going, since you are neither?” James’s friend asked, but James wasn’t paying attention to the conversation.

Instead, he stared at the brilliant green of the girl’s eyes. Pretty, like his mother’s favorite emeralds.

James offered her his hand. He knew her name, but she did not know his yet. “I am James Potter.”

A hesitant hand grasped his own, and she gave him a shy, uncertain smile. “Lily. Lily Evans.”

Merlin, James thought to himself. This is the girl he’s going to marry someday, he realized.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed. Please leave a comment, and see you next week!


	4. Of Kings and Queens and Golden Princes

Chapter Three:

Of Kings and Queens and Golden Princes

 

“I see Loki.” Heimdall declared.

Odin gripped his wife’s hand, hope rising in his chest despite himself. Could it be? Could his lost son truly be alive? Could his boy finally be brought home?

Just a boy. Loki’s just a boy – he shouldn’t be wandering the realms.

Odin valiantly ignored the memory of his son’s fall. He ignored the fact that his son had _let go_ as if his life was not worth living anymore.

The All-Father was brought out of his thoughts by his Queen’s reassuring squeeze. Her face was set like stone, and she was staring straight ahead but Odin knew Frigga was as happy as he was at hearing this news.

He chanced a glance at his eldest son, who was tapping his feet and looking restless in his excitement. Odin’s lips pulled at a small smile; his heir had yet to outgrow his childish habit.

“I see Loki.” Heimdall repeated. “But he is not the same prince who has fallen. He has taken the Tesseract from the humans, and has declared war upon Midgard and its people.”

Thor’s foot stopped tapping the floor. Frigga’s grip slackened, and Odin could feel the small shimmer of hope shrivel and die within his chest.

*

Thor was sent to bring Loki back home to Asgard. He was slow however, and both Odin and Frigga descended to Midgard to see their children. They left Odin’s younger brothers, Ve and Vili to watch over Asgard.

“Come back quickly.” Ve demanded, playing with a long black lock of hair that was attached to his twin.

Vili nervously pulled at Ve’s shirt. He requested: “Don’t be too hard on Loki.”

When Frigga was escorted to her child by his jailors, surrounded by the warriors who had helped defeat Loki, she thought them cruel. She thought they only came to taunt her youngest, but all these thoughts fled her mind when she saw her son.

Loki, bound and gagged, held the expression of a victorious man from his place behind the glass cage.

Frigga raised her arm, and flicked it to the side faster than any human eye can see. The chains around Loki’s arms remained, however his gag was gone.

Odin looked contemplative, and Frigga wondered if he was coming to the same conclusion as she had. 

“Hey lady!” The Man of Iron protested when he saw her actions. She turned and gave him her frostiest glare before she settled it on Loki.

“You are not my son.” Declared Frigga firmly.

“MOTHER!” Thor exclaimed, a look of despair on his face. He must think her being cruel, but she ignored him for now.

“You are a pretender.” She said, her fury rising. She clenched her fist, trying to keep her sorcery at bay. If she started cursing and attacking, her husband would no doubt follow her example. She could feel his anger, his berserk desire to destroy this creature that is besmirching their child’s name. Currently, she was the only thing keeping her husband from snapping the pretender’s neck. She hissed. “You wear my son’s form as though it is a silk robe, you _disgusting_ monster.”

The creature’s smile dropped from its face.

“Mother?” Thor’s despair had turned into worry, and then to confusion. The humans’ confusion was obvious, as well. “Mother, what do you mean?”

Frigga turned and faced her eldest son. She raised a finger, shaking with unrepressed fury, pointing at the man.

“That,” She spat. “is a skin-changer, Thor.”

Thor stiffened when he heard Frigga’s declaration. “But… he had Loki’s memories!”

“When skin-changers assume a person’s looks, they can also copy the person’s memory if they are powerful enough.” Odin’s deep voice echoed in the quiet room. “Show us your true form, foul beast!”

 The skin-changer laughed when he heard Odin’s demand. Some of her son’s Midgardian friends gasped when they saw the creature’s pupils shift into vertical slits, the whites being overcome by yellow.

“You are not my King, Odin Borson! I am bound to one master, thus your demands I am not bound to fulfill!”

“What does this mean?” The man whom Thor had introduced as “Captain Steve Rogers” asked. Frigga closed her eyes tightly. She took a deep breath, hope and worry in her heart, and answered: “It means my son is still missing.”

*

The skin-changer is proving to be a hard prisoner to break. Thor watched as the creature laughed with his brother’s voice while blood coated his brother’s face.

His father had gone berserk. Thor wished he too could succumb to his rage, but…

The skin-changer was wearing his brother’s form. Even if he knew that it was just a fake illusion created by the creature, he couldn’t bring himself to bring irrevocable damage to something that resembled Loki so much.

The crown prince of Asgard placed his hand on his mouth, trying to keep himself from being sick.

A hand patted his back. Looking up, Thor saw Hawkeye, one of the many people the creature had tortured under the guise of his brother.

“You okay?”

“I am sorry.” Thor blurted the same time as Hawkeye’s question.

Hawkeye narrowed his eyes, before he asked: “Why are you apologizing? That,” He indicated to the bleeding creature. “is not your brother.”

“No,” Thor agreed. He placed his face in his hands. “Forgive me. I do not know why I apologized.”

Thor’s hands trailed from his face and began to massage his temples. He could feel a headache creeping by and his brother always massaged his own temples when he had a headache.

Loki…

Thor’s eyes shut tightly as he remembered the horror he felt when his brother’s grip on his wrist slackened, a blank look on his face. He remembered the mind numbing terror as his brother’s hand slipped out of his own while he did his best to keep his grip strong.

He remembered the grief that filled him when he saw his brother falling into the Void, his pale face being embraced by the all-consuming darkness.

Thor and his parents had mourned. Now this creature mocks them with his brother’s face, his brother’s smile, his brother’s _voice_.

The Asgardian felt the flames of rage burn hot in his chest once more.

“…How about a deal? I know skin-changers, once they acquire a form, will do anything to keep it.” Thor heard his mother say, and he turned to face her, his anger giving way to shock. Why was his mother dealing with this, this… abomination! “Tell us what we want to know and I promise to let you keep Loki’s form until you die.”

“Mother!”

“Frigga!”

Both Odin and Thor sounded angry at the woman’s declaration.

The creature snorted. “I am going to keep this form regardless – why should I listen to you?”

His mother gave the skin-changer a bloodthirsty smile. She raised her arm and pointed it at the pretender’s arm. A burst of light shot out of her palm, which quickly connected to the bound creature’s arm.

The skin-changer let out a loud scream of surprise as Loki’s hand disappeared, replaced by black, formless arm.

“It’s a small spell I’ve been working on while Odin was… interrogating you. It forces you back to your real form. Now, would you like to deal?”

“Yes, yes, yes! Just give me back my arm, bitch!”

While Odin slapped the creature’s head for insulting his wife, Frigga muttered something and snapped her fingers. Instantly, the black arm gone and replaced by Loki’s once more.

“Now,” Frigga said, advancing towards the cage that contained both her husband and the skin-changer. “Where is my son?”

“I don’t know.” The creature said, jumping and trying to scramble away when Frigga raised her arm once more. He found himself trapped by Odin’s bulk, however. With panic in his voice, he said: “I honestly don’t know! He fell through the Void months ago, but he refused to ally himself with my lord and disappeared after that! We tracked him as far as Midgard! Honest!”

“Disappeared?” Frigga muttered to herself contemplatively.

“Why’d you attack Earth?” Man of Iron asked. And Thor, despite his mounting rage, could not resist the question: “Why are you wearing my brother’s form?”

The creature tried for a nonchalant shrug, and Thor wanted to strangle himself for not realizing this creature was not his brother; the skin-changer clearly lacked the easy grace his brother had inherited from their mother.

“My master willed it.” He told them both simply. “He wanted the Tesseract and he wanted to punish Loki by making me cause a war between Midgard and Asgard.”

“Who is your master?” Odin asked, but the skin-changer remained quiet.

Frigga raised her hand threateningly. The creature raised his bound arms, his palms open, as if he was trying to show the Queen he was harmless.

“Banish that thought, Thor.” His father said, and the prince realized he had voiced his thoughts. “Skin-Changers are _never_ harmless. They enjoy turning into a beloved member and taunting you with their tongue.”

“Well, I am not taunting you _now_ am I?”

“It doesn’t mean you weren’t going to try if Frigga had not discovered your deception.” Odin told the creature coldly.

Fury, who had been strangely quiet through all this, suddenly spoke up. He repeated Odin’s question.

“I can’t tell you that.” The creature said. “M’fraid I have a contract with him, you see. Bound by his magic and mine. Loki can probably tell you more though – he’s the first person to enjoy my master’s ‘hospitality’ and escape.”

Frigga’s gaze was cold and calculating. She pursed her lips; it didn’t take a genius to know what the creature’s master’s ‘hospitality’ had actually entailed. Her hand began to glow once more.

“Wait!” The creature said, panicked. Thor noticed his brother’s face began to melt off, showing the black, featureless one hiding underneath. “You promised I’d be allowed to keep this form until I die.”

“I lied.” She told him simply, in a way that reminded Thor of Loki. The skin-changer was no longer Loki, but small, formless black goo. Odin smacked his hands together, and the skin-changer’s body shrank even further, until it turned into a ball as big as Odin’s palm. Odin waved his hand over the ball, and it disappeared.

Thor knew that his father had sent the creature to one of Asgard’s prisons. Frigga continued her sentence, words clipped and still as cold as ice.

Thor shivered; he knew his mother was a warrior at heart, but to see her like this was quite unsettling. At least now he knew why Loki and his mother were always so close – their personalities were quite alike.

“I have no mercy to those who hurt my children.”

A sharp whistle filled the silence as Hawkeye muttered: “Whoa, hardcore.”

 “Why’d you send him off?” Fury asked loudly, obviously angry.  Odin turned and faced the human, and Thor was impressed at the man’s strength.

Not many people could claim to have stood in front of the All-Father’s glare without flinching. Not even Loki and Thor could, and they lived with the man all of their lives.

“Skin-changers are notoriously tricky creatures. He had given us everything he was willing to share and what else he would have given us would’ve only been lies – not even my silver-tongued son could trick the skin-changer into giving us more information.”

“So all this was for nothing?” Fury irritably declared. “We don’t even know who ordered this attack!”

“Oh I don’t know,” Frigga said, the cold look gone and replaced with a hopeful smile. “I know my son is alive – and if you want, he can probably tell you who orchestrated this attack.”

“Yes,” Natasha finally spoke up. “but the question remains: _where_  is the real Loki?”

Thor wondered that as well; if his brother was really in Midgard, why didn’t he appear when this skin-changer was using his skin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter -- don't forget to comment if you do :D


	5. Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy-Worty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for commenting and giving kudos. You're cool!  
> Hope to read more of your opinions on the story :D

Chapter Four:

Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy-Worty

_First Year:_

Lily marveled at the beauty of Hogwarts, her breath leaving her as the castle came to view. Never, in her short eleven years or in her long life as Loki, had she seen something so… _magnificent_.

Like Asgard, Hogwarts was saturated in magic. Unlike Asgard, however, Hogwarts made Lily comfortable – filled her with bright feelings, making her joyful.

That was natural, though wasn’t it? After all, Hogwarts was a school that encouraged learning magic while Asgard preferred a person to become a stable boy than to become a sorcerer. 

For a moment, she was filled with an irrational fear; what if they sent her back home because she was once Loki? What if they read her mind and saw the destruction the person she used to be brought? What if they called her a _monster_?

Lily paused that line of thought. She remembered her mother kissing her forehead and telling her she was an angel and not a monster.

She felt Severus squeeze her hand reassuringly. Raising her head up, Lily smiled at her friend’s nervous face.

Now that they were in Hogwarts waiting to be sorted, the anger she felt towards him during the train ride seemed so far away. Lily squeezed his hand back.

“It’s going to be okay, won’t it?” She asked nervously as a boy called Dorian Abbot sat on the stool, the old ratty hat barely touching his head before it exclaimed: “HUFFLEPUFF!”

“Of course.” Her friend replied shakily.

Lily felt Severus begin to quiver next to her, although she couldn’t tell if it was because he was excited or scared. As a girl called Charlotte Bones got sorted into Ravenclaw, he asked in quiet voice: “We’ll be friends right? Even…” He paused, uncharacteristically hesitant. “…even if we are in different Houses.”

“Of course,” Lily answered him quickly, as Mark Chang was being sorted. “We’ll be best friends no matter what anyone says.”

Professor McGonagall, the deputy headmistress, called out in a loud and clear voice: “Evans, Lily.”

Giving Severus’ hand one last squeeze, Lily put on a smile as she carefully sat down on the stool. As the professor placed the ratty old hat on her head, the young girl began to wonder how the hat sorted everyone.

 _‘You are no child! I can’t sort an adult!’_ Lily heard a strange voice in her head and nearly squealed in shock. _‘But wait… those adult memories belong to a different you, don’t they? A very male you.’_

The voice in her head giggled childishly before it continued: _‘Hm, interesting… I’ve met few who consciously remembered their past life – but they certainly were no Norse gods!’_

 _‘Are… are you the Sorting Hat?’_ She thought back, deciding to ignore the comment about her previous life. It’s not like she was a real Asgardian anyway.

 _‘Yes, I am. I would like it if you explained to me what makes a person a real Asgardian, but I am afraid we’re on a tight schedule, dear one.’_ The Hat said in her mind. He, at least she assumed the Hat is male, began to mutter things that Lily only caught snippets of.

_‘I recognize your desire for power and recognition, but I suppose growing up with an older sibling tends to do that to a person. You’ll flourish in Slytherin, but I am afraid that your hunger for true friends will never be fulfilled there.’_

The Hat took a pause, as though it was thinking. Lily, on the other hand, felt her face flush in embarrassment as the Sorting Hat spoke of Lily’s and Loki’s desires so openly… devoid of judgment.

_‘Slytherin will help you achieve greatness… but I am afraid you will be quite lonely over there as you were before and you’ll only grow up to repeat your previous mistakes. I cannot place you in Ravenclaw either, I am afraid; too competitive… So it is either Hufflepuff or Gryffindor for you.’_

Lily felt disappointed by the Hat’s judgment, but did not question it. Didn’t the Hat say he was never wrong when he sorted? Surely he will only place her in a house that is good for her.

Without meaning to, she thought of James Potter as he attempted to brandish an imaginary sword.

 _‘What? A Potter is here? I am going to guess he’s the son of that troublemaking itch powder obsessed Charles! But… hm, interesting.’_ The Hat paused once more, before he continued: _‘Yes… I see a brave heart and it’s ready to grow. Gryffindor may be known for valuing bravery, but he valued friends just as much, yes… You better be –_ ’

The Hat did not say the House name in her mind as she expected it to; instead Lily heard the Hat’s loud voice as he proclaimed:

“Gryffindor!”

Sending a regretful look towards Severus, Lily leapt off the stool and handed the Professor that Sorting Hat. The professor gave Lily a warm smile that the redhead returned.

Her heart beating excitedly, Lily settled into Gryffindor to watch the rest of the sorting. For the first time in a very long time, Lily felt happy.

Loki didn’t fit in Asgard, but Lily who was no longer Loki will fit in Hogwarts.

She had to.

*

Lily loved Hogwarts.

The moving staircases, the Great Hall, the secret passages! But what Lily loved most about the old castle was the library. Big, and every possible corner and space filled with shelves, which in turn were bursting with books.  Certainly it was nothing compared to Asgard’s library, but the majority of the books in Asgard dealt with war strategies and economics and the likes.

To Lily’s great delight, she learnt that Hogwarts hosted one of the most diverse libraries in Magical Britain. Oh, the things she could learn!

To Lily, curious about her new world and thirsty for knowledge, this was the equivalent of Valhalla.

If only she had someone to share her Valhalla with… While Lily often saw Severus during and between classes, her best friend had preferred the company of other Slytherins.

Not that the girl blamed him, of course; Severus needed to integrate himself into his House didn’t he? He had to get used to his new surroundings, right?

Lily was sure it had nothing to do with people calling her a “mudblood”. Severus never called her that, although James was quite happy to point out that he didn’t stop his housemates from doing so either.

Speaking of James…

She liked him well enough, but he was too rowdy for Lily to properly consider him a friend. As for Sirius Black, James’ partner in the hated game of ‘Snape Pestering’, she considered him a silly dramatic boy who took too much pleasure in making her best friend sad.

The two boys teased him mercilessly about his second handed books before pelting him with dungbombs! The twits even did it behind Lily’s back – they thought they could escape trouble, but Lily was always keen when it came to mischief.

She was once Loki, the most mischievous of them all. Of course, she paid the boys back by levitating some of the dungbombs that missed Severus back at them, and the best part was that they couldn’t point the finger at her unless they wanted to admit that they were throwing those putrid bombs first!

 “Honestly!” Lily muttered to herself, scribbling notes on the theories of Arithmacy on her notebook. A bit over her level, but no one could claim she wasn’t an overachiever! “Of all the childish things to do…!”

While she did appreciate a good joke (She is Loki, God of _Mischief_ after all), but honestly, this ruthless teasing of theirs is just _immature_. And foul-played.

Honestly – her pranks may have been a bit over the top, but it wasn’t really _hurtful_. Sure, some people were upset but her victims tended to shrug her pranks off eventually.

(Except Sif, but that was _revenge_ and it was meant to hurt. Never let it be said that Loki cannot be spiteful.)

What James and Sirius were doing is bullying. No other word for it and Lily _hated_ bullying; when she was still Loki, she was her brother’s favorite victim.

_“Come now brother! Surely your skinny arms can bear the weight of a sword!”_

No, not her brother anymore. Never her brother.

“They’re pretty childish, aren’t they?”

Lily’s head snapped up, her eyes meeting with the stranger’s. She recognized him as a fellow first year Gryffindor but his name evaded her. Something to do with the moon and Rome…

“… Sorry who?” She asked, trying to buy time until she remembered his name. The boy seemed to misinterpret her question because he smiled tiredly at her and extended his hand towards her.

“Remus Lupin, also known as the poor fellow who’s rooming with the two pranksters.” He scratched his shoulder after they finished shaking hands. “I had to scrub my shoes three times this week; James is pretty fond of filling it with itching powder.”

“Oh.” Lily said. “That’s horrible. I’m Lily by the way.”

“Nice to meet you – and I don’t know if it’s that horrible, actually; the Pettigrew kid, who’s sharing the dorm with us, is getting it pretty hard. At least when they are focused on me, Peter is not crying as much.”

“That’s pretty noble of you.” Lily informed him, and Remus threw his head back, genuine laughter leaving his throat.

 The former alien narrowed her eyes at the bandage around Remus’s neck.

“It’s not noble, not really anyway.” He said when he settled down. “I am pretty horrible at dealing with people; I’d rather have itchy feet than deal with someone crying.”

Lily found herself giggling at his off-handed reply.

“Well, it’s still noble.” She repeated. Lily looked at the book on her lap and proceeded to close it; she didn’t feel comfortable reading in front of Remus – he might think she’s rude. The boy blinked at the title of her book.

“Wow,” he said. “You’re ambitious. You might want to try reading ‘Arithmacy Definitions For the Impatient Student’ with that book; otherwise ‘Introduction to Arithmacy’ would just be difficult.”

Lily’s head snapped up. “You read the book?”

“Oh yes – just some light reading, you know? I could lend you my copy of ‘Arithmacy Definitions’ if you want.”

Lily looked at the tome she was holding.  A bright, cheerful smile appeared on her face.

And that was how Lily met and befriended Remus Lupin.

*

“How are those two twits treating you?” Severus asked Remus during one of their study sessions; they had quizzes next week and the three of them did not want to fail.

When Lily introduced Remus to Severus, the Slytherin did not want anything to do with her fellow Gryffindor. Now, after several study sessions together, the two were close enough to be dubbed friends.

“Alright, I suppose.” Remus answered gloomily, a new bandage around his wrist. Yesterday, he came back from a visit to home with fresh bruises and bandages. 

Lily decided she didn’t like it when he went home. Loki had no happy memories when it came to beatings that came from Sif – of course, the older woman had told him it was all part of his “training”.

“…and Peter became friends with Sirius and James, so now I have three people annoying me on a daily basis – Black had poured water on me when I came to the dorms and –”

“Wait, wait!” Lily cut in, earning her a nasty glare from the librarian. Not bothering with her, Lily continued: “When did that happen?”

“…Yesterday.” Remus said, looking confused. Lily fumed inwardly at the idea of those _insensitive_ brutes picking on one of her best friend just when he comes back from home. But that was not her question, so she quickly explained: “No, no, I meant when did Peter become friends with Troubling Twosome?”

Remus scratched his head, suddenly looking intrigued as well. “I think it happened a little bit before I left; they were rather friendly by the time I came back.”

“Troubling Twosome?” Severus asked her, a grin on his face. Lily returned the grin with a raised eyebrow.

“Fitting isn’t it?” She giggled.

Remus cleared his throat and spoke slowly, as if he was talking in a funeral. “Not anymore my friend – I am afraid that title must die and be replaced with something like…”

He paused as he began to think, and Severus leapt at the opportunity to insult James and Sirius. “The Three Twits?”

“Um,” Remus made a show of thinking it over. He shook his head before he sagely replied: “No. Titles must not be any longer than two words, if you please Mister Snape.”

“Troubling Trio.” Lily offered, and the two boys looked at her serious face for a moment before they exploded in laughter. Lily joined them briefly before she kicked them both as Madam Pince gave them an unfavorable glance.

“Trinity of Tossers,” Severus offered before he quickly added: “TOT for short.”

As the boys began to discuss the name, Lily quietly whispered: “Troubling Trio.”

*

At the very end, Lily’s suggestion for the Troubling Trio was thrown out of the window and they settled on TOT.

There was something strangely appealing about the word “trinity”.

Lily didn’t particularly mind because her mom wouldn’t let her name her black kitten “Fishy” and Loki was not allowed to name anything after he named Odin’s war horse “Sleipnir”. Apparently, neither one of the names were appropriate to the creatures.

(In Lily’s defense, her kitten really smelled fishy. The cat was named Amnell by her enthusiastic mother, who kept giggling as she bought a male kitten and named it Cypher.)

They’ve been calling the troublemaking trio “the TOT” behind their backs, and it seemed to catch on. She caught one of the prefects whispering about “the TOT” to one of his friends, a frightened look on his face as James and his friends passed him.

Remus went home for the month, so Lily found herself alone and without her usual reading companion.

Lily felt a weight settle down next to her on the common room’s couch. Turning around, she saw James settled next to her, a grin on his face.

The young girl resolutely kept her face stony and calm, continuing her reading on charms. So far, that class was her _favorite_.

“Hey,” James said.

Lily concentrated harder on the book in her hands.

_Wizards and witches have been using charms since before the creation of spells – indeed it is the most basic type of magic that every magical infant is capable of performing in the form of accidental magic. From charms, branches like Transfiguration, Defense and Dark magic were discovered._

 “Hey Evans,” James tried again.

_Charms differ from Transfiguring Spells in the following manner: a charm adds certain properties to an object or creature, whereas a transfiguring spell will change it into something utterly different._

“Hey, hey Evans!”

Lily resolutely ignored him and continued her reading: _Charms, like all forms of magic, depends of intent. Without the desire to perform, magic will not respond –_

The red haired girl shrieked when she felt James poke her side. “Hey Evans, don’t ignore me!”

“What, do you exactly want Potter?” She snapped, closing her book angrily.

James grinned, as if he was happy she was finally paying attention to him. “Do you know where Remus goes every month?”

“Home!” She replied curtly, not willing to share her theory. Not willing to tell the boy who resembled Thor so much that she believed Remus was being abused.

It wasn’t her place, and besides – she’d bet he’d just wave off Remus’ injuries somehow, like how Thor waved off Loki’s injuries because _he was too weak_.

“Oh.” James said, sounding disappointed. Thinking he was going to leave her alone, Lily tried to open her book and go back to her reading. Instead, James opened his mouth and said: “Do you know what the toot mean?”

“Toot?” She asked, confused. Was it some kind of magical plant?

“I heard some prefects say it few days ago.”

“Oh.” Lily said, because what could she say? She opened her book and tried to bury her face between the pages. “I don’t know.”

James snatched Lily’s book away, a determined look on his face. “You’re lying.”

That was Lily’s breaking point. She knew she was going to regret her words, but she couldn’t help herself.

“GIVE ME BACK MY BOOK! IT’S ‘TOT’ AND NOT TOOT, YOU FOOLISH DUNGHEAD AND IT STANDS FOR TRINITY OF TOSSERS, YOU BULLY!”

Snatching her book back, Lily almost lovingly cooed to it. Not sitting around to see his reaction to her shouting, Lily jumped and ran towards the girl’s dorms, knowing she was safe there.

*

“You should stop, you underachieving twits!” Lily exclaimed, her pale face quickly becoming as red as her hair. Remus’s skin had pink polka dots and his hair was the same shade of pink.

Since this is not the first time James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew (Merlin, _how_ did _that_ happen?) had cast this curse, the First Year knew Severus was sporting green hair and silver polka dots.

Probably vomiting slugs, too.

James and Sirius both looked offended at Lily’s comment, but the girl couldn’t help herself. How dare they pick on her friends?

When she remembered her past as Loki she had decided to keep her head down, in case someone from Asgard was searching for her but surely _some_ mischief won’t be noticed? All she needed to do was cause some trouble for those brats – just enough to pop a hole into their inflated ego.

But no – she should it give it some more time. At least until she is sure there is no agent of Asgard waiting for her to mess up and take her away from her new friends, her new _family_.

“We’re not underachieving, Evans!” James protested and Lily‘s left eye began to twitch. Is he calling her a liar?

“I am not the one who failed _all_ of the quizzes we had last week!”

James grinned. “You knew about that? Aww, I knew you cared Lily!”

“I COULD’T CARE ANY LESS IF YOU WERE EATEN BY THE GIANT SQUID AND DON’T SAY MY NAME AGAIN!” After screaming at him, Lily grabbed Remus and motioned for Severus to follow as they left the great hall.

As she spoke, she de-spelled the slug curse.

“That… that _useless_ , _annoying, little_ …!” She grouses, adamantly not letting go of Remus’s hand. If she did, she might end up marching back and slapping the living daylights out of that, that… “ _Arrogant toerag!”_

Remus flinched at how loud she was being. “Lily… maybe you could tone it down?”

“Why? Hate hearing the truth about your friends?” Severus suddenly asked and Lily had to take a deep breath to stop herself from verbally attacking her best friend.

She didn’t want to admit it, but Severus was… _changing_. He wasn’t as sweet as he usually was, and Lily didn’t like the sort of people he was hanging around with; Mary said they were _all_ children of Death Eaters, the followers of Lord Voldemort.

“Sev, Remus is just as much a victim as you are! Besides, he’s our friend!”

Severus glared at Remus like the blond was the cause of all his problems. The effect of his glare had dimmed, however, due to the green polka dots his skin sported. “If he’s really a friend, why don’t you tell us where you go every month, Lupin?”

“I…” Remus said, looking uncomfortable. He sighed, and with a miserable look on his face he said: “My mother’s always sick. Professor Dumbledore lets me visit her once a month.”

Severus at least looked guilty, but Lily was becoming even angrier at how nosy he was being. Because he was nosy, her sister hated her. What if Remus hated her because of Severus?

Sure, the part of her that was Loki was thankful for his friendship but another part of her did not want him interfering with her other friendships.

“Why must you be so insensitive, Severus?” She asked, pulling Remus towards the direction of the Gryffindor dorms. “Just for that you can un-charm yourself!”

“Wait Lily – I am sorry, Lil—”

“I am not the one you should apologize to.” Lily firmly declared before she picked up a brisk pace, leaving a confused and angry Severus behind her.

She glanced at Remus. “I am really sorry; he’s not usually such a jerk.”

“Lily, really you shouldn’t worry about me – really, it’s okay.” Remus tried as he and Lily entered the common room. It was empty; most people were still eating breakfast.

Lily sat down on one of the empty armchairs and motioned for Remus to do the same. She opened her bag and pulled out her Charms textbook, leafing through the pages and searching for the spell the Three Idiots have used to charm Remus and Severus.

“It’s not okay; just because we all live in the same castle doesn’t mean secrets should be public.” Honestly – when she was Loki she had enough troubles trying to keep her broth – _Thor_ to leave her secrets, well _secrets_.

She looked up and saw him settled comfortably in his chair, his own copy of their Charms textbook propped on his knees. Lily hid her smile behind her book, and the two Gryffindors spent an hour and half searching for the spell they needed to fix Remus’s unfortunate case of polka dots.

*

They were going to have their flying lessons today.

Lily, who was never afraid of floating above the ground while riding her favorite swing, found herself inexplicably gripped with fear.

(It wasn’t so inexplicable, actually; the swings were very short distance from the ground but _flying –_ she could _fall_. Due to her experiences as Loki, she often dreams of falling into a bottomless abyss where pain was her constant companion.)

So she reads everything she can find on flying and interrogates every member of the house team, trying to find out how flying works and how does it _feel_. She tries to learn everything she can about flying without actually experiencing it.

She doesn’t want to experience it.

(Because when she was Loki, Thor took every moment he could to antagonize her by lifting her up, up, and up and dangling her by her cape, encouraging her to use her _womanly arts_ to float back down while his friends laughed from below.)

So when the practice day comes, she seriously considers swallowing a soap bar to avoid the class. And she probably would have, except she saw Remus looking absolutely miserable.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, sitting next to him. Her friend sighed and placed his head on his knees tiredly – something quite common after he came back from his home.

Looking left and right, he whispered: “I am _horrible_ on a broom.”

Suddenly feeling immensely relieved, because she thought his mother was dead or something, Lily threw her head back and laughed loudly. Ignoring the weird looks her fellow Gryffindors gave her, Lily laughed loud and long until Remus hit her head with a sofa pillow.

“You’re a jerk.” Remus told her as she wiped tears of mirth from her eyes.

“I know.” She affirmed. “But you know what? I don’t think it should matter; we can both be miserable on a broom today.”

When Remus gave her a questioning look, Lily pointed at herself: “Muggle-born, remember? No experience flying, at all. I will probably humiliate myself in front of everyone today.”

The last part of her sentence was said a bit gloomily, as Lily remembered Petunia’s friends teasing and Thor’s. She really didn’t need to give the Slytherins any reasons to pick on her – their egos had suffered when the recent tests and quizzes had placed her as the top student of her year.

“Well,” Remus replied, lying back down against the sofa. “Dad tried to teach me once – nearly took his head off on my first three tries.”

“Really?”

Engrossed by her conversation with Remus, Lily didn’t realize that it was time for the flying lesson until Sirius Black rushed out of the boys’ dormitory and grabbed Remus’ hand, pulling the blond behind him as he exited the common room.

Lily’s mouth only closed when she heard someone clear their throat. Looking up, she saw James standing behind the couch she was sitting on, a grin on his face.

“Hey Lily! The flying lessons are going to start soon, let’s go!”

“Don’t say my name, Potter.” Lily replied automatically, standing up and smoothening her robes. Falling into step with James, she asked him:  “Where’s Pettigrew?”

“Oh he’s in the infirmary – remember the potion accident last week?”

“He’s still regrowing his skin?” Lily asked, slightly guilty. Peter had asked for her help but she flat out refused him because she didn’t trust the smaller boy. She honestly thought that James and Sirius had ordered him to prank her.

James ‘hm’-ed his agreement and a silence settled over them. Uncomfortable with the quiet, Lily said:

“Any experience with flying, Potter?”

“Plenty! And call me James.” James replied enthusiastically, and Lily almost regretted asking him about flying – after all, didn’t he try to break into McGonagall’s office few days ago to try and get her to allow him onto the house team?

But Lily didn’t regret her decision, because James’ bright tone made her feel more secure, strangely enough. Feeling a tiny bit encouraged by hers and James’ conversation, Lily stood in front of the school issued broom and said: “UP!”

The broom seamed overly eager as it leapt to her hands. Looking around, she saw that it was only she and James who had their brooms in hand.

As her eyes scanned the students surrounding them, Lily noticed Severus looking at her. When their eyes met, Lily huffed and turned her head away – he still didn’t apologize.

“Alright students,” said Madam Hooch, blowing her whistle as the students mounted their brooms. “On the count of three, I want you to kick off the ground, okay? One… two… three!”

As soon as Lily heard the instructor blow her whistle, she pushed her feet against the ground and it was –

It was amazing. Lily didn’t need to think, she didn’t need to tap into her knowledge as Loki – all she needed was her instinct and for the first time since she received Loki’s memories, she felt _light_ and _free_.

“Hey Lily!” Turning her head to the side, Lily saw James floating next to her. Sirius was floating too, but he seemed to be staying near a shaking Remus. “You’re a natural!”

Not bothering to tell James off for using her name, Lily grinned back at him and said: “I suppose I am.”

*

Down below, where neither Lily nor James could see, Severus Snape glared at James Potter as he laughed with Lily. Jealousy burned in his heart, and a sudden onslaught of _hate_ crawled through his skin. He shook himself out of his thoughts and hatefully glared at the broom he was riding.

It refused to go up.

He looked to where Remus was trying to keep his broomstick steady, with Black shouting encouragement and trying to help him stay steady on his violently shaking broom. If he wanted Lily’s friendship back – if he wanted her to smile at him again, he had to apologize to the boy-who-might-be-a-werewolf.

 _‘Well,’_ Severus thought to himself as his broom finally took off the ground. _‘At least he’s not as bad as his roommates.’_

*

Lily did not go home for Christmas Break; her parents insisted she come home, but Petunia had sent her a scathing letter that informed her that Petunia would leave home if Lily dared to return before the summer break.

“I am glad you stayed.” Remus told her as he filled her plate and his own with all kinds of food. She filled both her own and Remus’s mugs with hot cocoa in return.

Remus passed Lily her dish.

“Why?” Lily asked acidly, stabbing a carrot viciously. She was staying in the castle and the _Terror_ Trio were staying too. And Severus _still_ didn’t apologize to Remus, so Lily couldn’t speak to him yet.

(Boys. Lily doesn’t think she was _this_ stubborn when she was Loki.)

Oh, how could her first year be so _disastrous_?

Remus, ignoring her bad mood, began to whistle a merry tune. Frowning, Lily said: “Is that supposed to be _Jingle Bells_? If it is, you are off-tune.”

Remus did not pay attention to her comment. Instead he flashed Lily a bright smile. “Oh I think something is going to happen in…” He glanced at his wristwatch. “Right this moment, actually. You don’t want to miss it.”

Her fellow Gryffindor gave her a mischievous smile that caused Lily to smile back despite her foul mood. She heard an indignant screech and turned her head to the end of the Gryffindor table, where the “TOT” were sitting.

What Lily saw caused her to throw her head back and laugh.

James’s hair, which was always a horrible mess, had grown to such a length that it looked as though he had a mane. Sirius, whom Lily had caught preening at his hair more than once, looked like he was going to cry; his well-groomed hair looked like a thick untidy pink mop.

Peter’s nose had changed to look like a pig’s snout, and he had little pig ears. Honestly, Lily thought that was rather cute but the boy seemed horrified.

Lily wiped he tears of mirth and watched as the three boys climbed onto the table. They each then began to sing a different Christmas song.

While Sirius’ singing was surprisingly superb, it seemed that James and Peter are tone-deaf. Her laughter rejuvenated, Lily fell off her seat as she laughed enthusiastically at the boy’s show.

As she was helped up by Remus, she chuckled and said: “Well that’s a musical that embodies the spirit of Christmas.”

Remus beamed. “It cheered you up, right?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well,” Remus drawled, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “Severus helped.”

Lily blinked in surprise. “He apologized? When? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Remus nodded his head and explained: “Some time after the flying lessons. I wanted to tell you about the prank, but he thought you’d like the surprise; I am good enough at simple singing charms, but transfiguration is not my strong subject so Severus brewed a potion instead.”

The red head smiled when she heard that; everything can finally go back to normal! Not talking to Severus for two months was rather strange, especially since she spoke to him on a daily basis when they’re home.

Good thing she sent him a Christmas gift!

“You know what would’ve made this even better?” Lily asked Remus, a plan for next year’s Christmas feast forming in her mind. A little mischief won’t hurt, right?

“Santa, reindeers _and_ mistletoes.”

“Oh?” Remus asked, interested.  

Lily looked dreamily at the twinkling stars that were shown on the Great Hall’s ceiling. “Oh, the chaos we can cause.”

She nearly drooled at the thought.

*

Lily, as everyone expected, had the top marks of her year. Professor McGonagall looked extremely proud, even smirking at the other Heads of Houses.

As she left the train, she saw Remus talking to his roommates with a smile on his face. Nudging Severus, she pointed at their friend’s direction with her chin and asked: “When did _that_ happen?”

“I don’t know.” Severus told her, his tone a tad cold as he walked towards his waiting mother. Not bothered by Severus’ attitude, the train ride was _long_ after all and it was bound to leave him cranky, Lily walked towards her waiting family with a skip in her step.

“Hi Mom, hi Dad!”

Lily’s parents hugged her tightly and began to mutter things like: “My baby” and “Missed you so much”. The red haired girl tried to ignore the pain that bloomed in her heart, as Petunia ignored her and continued to tap on her cell phone.

*

_Third Year:_

Lily, filled with delight and excitement, ran to where Remus and Severus were sitting under the tree in the castle courtyard. It had become their usual place to just sit and talk.

And they needed to talk a _lot_ ; Severus wasn’t too keen on the idea of Remus becoming one of James Potter’s friends and becoming one of his cronies. Rumors had it that the Gryffindor boys were calling themselves “The Marauders”. To be fair, three out of the four boys continuously picked on Severus, so Lily thought his anger was justified.

“They’re probably poisoning your pumpkin juice.” Severus told Remus. Said Gryffindor boy was lying under the shade, with one of their textbooks covering his face, when Lily came closer she saw it was Remus’ worn copy of Arithmacy Definitions.

He was probably quizzing himself – he and Lily had a quiz tomorrow. After that, they needed to prepare for Care of Magical Creatures and Ancient Runes; the professors had warned them of a pop quiz sometime this week.

“Are you listening?” Severus asked Remus, annoyed. “They’re killing off your brain cells and you’re just taking it lying down?”

“No.” Remus said, his voice slightly muffled by the book. “I am ignoring your comments lying down. Besides, James doesn’t fill my shoes with itching powder anymore so it’s okay.”

Severus’ cheeks pinked when Remus mentioned the powder and Lily knew he was remembering the itching incident few days ago; somehow, itching powder had made its way into Severus’s pants and her Slytherin best friend was blaming it on James – never mind the fact James didn’t know how to enter the Slytherin common room.

He looked ready to start another fight with Remus, but Lily shouted as she came closer to them: “I DID IT!”

Severus turned his head sharply and met her eyes, while Remus groggily pushed himself off the ground carefully, the book falling down onto his lap. Lily knew he was trying not to jostle his ribs; apparently he fell off the stairs when he went and visited his mother.

With that thought in mind, Lily forced herself to slow down and walk in a slower pace. Neither her smile nor excitement seemed to fade with her subdued steps, however.  

“You got the position?” Severus asked, and he seemed… disappointed?

The green eyed girl blinked, rubbing her head. She must need more sleep if she’s imagining her friend looking so uninspiring!

“Yep!” Lily replied, forcing cheerful tone. “You gentlemen are looking at Gryffindor’s newest Seeker!”

“Congratulations Lily! With the way you fly I never doubted your chances for a second!” Remus happily told her, clapping his hands enthusiastically.

“Well,” Lily dramatically told them, plopping herself between the two boys. “I will have to deal with Potter as a teammate, but it’s worth it as long as I get to fly.”

“You and your flying.” Remus said fondly as he leant back to lay down on the grass. “Absolute nutter, isn’t she Severus?”

“Yes, I suppose.” Severus replied distractedly, lost in his thoughts. The two Gryffindors looked at each other before they shook their heads.

“Why is number seven the strongest magical number?” Remus suddenly asked from his place on the ground, and Lily and he began to casually chat about the properties of numbers and their use in magical theory.

*

“Where’s Severus?” Lily asked Remus, her hands sweaty and nervous. Today was her first match as Gryffindor’s Seeker, and she wanted her best friend to tell her it was going to be alright.

“That’s a difficult question to answer.” Remus said in a tone that told the girl her friend was trying to avoid the question.

“Remus!” She said sharply. “Where’s Sev?”

“I told him to come but…”

The blond looked to the stands through the window, an unhappy expression on his face. Lily followed his gaze and saw her best friend sitting with the Slytherins and she felt _betrayed_. Of course, she wasn’t expecting him to support her against his own House, but would it have been difficult for him to come and wish her good luck?

Then, she saw who he was sitting with.

With a frown, she said: “Why is he sitting with Avery and Mulciber?!”

“Well they are his roommates. I will be sitting with Sirius and Peter, too – good luck!”

With that parting, the Gryffindor boy left the changing room and walked towards the stands. Lily considered what he said; she and Remus were friendly with their own roommates, but why did Severus have to befriend those two? He had two other boys in his dorm, didn’t he? Zabini and Greengrass were much better Avery and Mulciber.

The redhead squeaked in surprise when a hand patted her on her shoulder. “C’mon, Evans – the match’s about to start!”

Lily opened her mouth to tell Potter off for calling her by her name when she realized something.

“What did you call me?”

“Evans!” James told her, a large grin on his face. “It’s your name, isn’t it?”

Spluttering, Lily huffed angrily as James trotted past her, his obnoxious laughter echoing in the small changing room. She muttered something about arrogant toerags before she followed him out, completely forgetting her thoughts about Severus.

*

“Something strange happened today.” Lily confessed to Remus, a few hours after they won the match. The other Gryffindors were busy dancing, singing and eating smuggled food from the kitchens.

 If there’s one thing the Gryffindors knew how to do, it was how to party.

And it was great – because those parties are nothing like the ones Loki remembered from his time in Asgard. In these parties, Lily felt like she was _welcome_ and today, todays she was the _guest of honor_. Everyone was celebrating the fact _she_ caught the Snitch and won them the match.

She wasn’t the butt of jokes anymore, and they weren’t whispering behind her back on what a _disappointment_ she had turned out to be.

“Yeah?” Remus replied, glaring at his butter beer while his nose twitched. Muttering something about idiots with too long hair (she suspected he meant Sirius), he chucked his drink into the potted plant Professor McGonagall was keeping in the common rooms.

Instantly, the plant’s green leafs began to twitch and shudder. It turned pink with white polka dots – looks like another one of Sirius’ attempts to turn Remus pink.

“James called me Evans – it was quite strange of him.”

“Mmmm, and attractive?”

“I suppose, but –” Lily turned quickly and faced her fellow Gryffindor, a blush rising to her face as Remus licked chocolate from his hand. He reached for another chocolate from the table, but Lily swatted his hand in revenge.

“Remus!” She said indignantly. “James Potter may be fit, but he’s hardly fanciable with his personality now is he?!”

“Aww Lily that hurts, riiiight here!”

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. James Potter bounced towards them, one hand holding butterbeer and the other pointing at the right side of the chest.

He noticed the pink plant and chortled. “Ah Minny is going to have a fit when she realizes what we’ve done to her precious planty!”

“Your heart is on the left side of your chest, Potter.” Lily responded flatly, taking a sip from her pumpkin juice.

Hmm, today’s pumpkin juice is slightly sweet.

“Ah, but I have _two_ hearts for you Evans. Wanna go out with me on the next Hogsmade weekend?”

“No.” Lily replied. “I actually want to buy something for myself when I go to Zonko’s, not be involved into another one of your mudball fights.”

James grinned, his eyes boring into hers as though fascinated. Lily felt slightly itchy.

“Ever the trickster, Evans! A girl after my own heart!” He finished dramatically. In response to his statement, Lily raised an eyebrow and said with a smirk: “You wish.”

“I am not a bad date, you know?”

“I would only go out with you if you actually manage to _act your age_ , which will probably never happen.”

“Um, Lily.” Remus cut through, his eyes wide as he observed the red haired girl. “If you’ve been searching for a reason to be angry with James, I think you’ve found one.”

“What?” Lily said, whipping towards the window behind her. The girl in the mirror still had red hair and green eyes and normal sized teeth, but her skin was _gold_. Instead of polka dots, she had small red hearts decorating her skin.

She looked like the Gryffindor mascot or something!

James Potter had sworn to get her with this particular curse two years ago when she was the only student who managed to escape unscathed.

“Uh, Evans? I promise I didn’t do this – Lily?”

“Potter…” Lily growled, barely managing to open her fist to grab her wand. Once the wand was safely in her hand, she pointed it at the slowly retreating black haired boy. “YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS YOU ARROGANT TOERAG!”

*

“Honestly,” Lily said the next day during breakfast. She took another violent bite of her bed, her eyes glaring murderously at James, who was cowering at the end of the Gryffindor table. “’Not me!’ he says – does he think I am stupid?”

She didn’t notice Severus staring at her with a wide smile.

She shoved her juice under Remus’ face. She ordered: “Sniff it, does it smell like ordinary orange juice?”

Her friend gave it a conscious sniff before he nodded his head stiffly, looking at the watch he had on his wrist. Soon, he will have to go home.

He’ll probably come back to school with a new set of injuries.

Sobered by her thoughts, Lily allowed her shoulders to droop and felt bad about how rough she was with Remus just now.

*

“I think Remus is being abused at home.” Lily told James in a rush as she pulled him aside, tears threatening to spill as she remembered Remus’ pale form in the infirmary. “Why is no one doing anything about it?”

James’ hands held her shoulders, his gaze not leaving hers. He was an thirteen years old, but he looked serious and he gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze.

“I don’t know.” James told her, his tone strong and reliable. “But I will find out. I will help him – I promise.”

*

It was a few days after the finals finished that Lily discovered what Remus Lupin actually was.

She was in the common room alone, unable to sleep. She heard the sound of wood slamming against stone and turned around to face the boy’s dormitory. Lily heard the sound of footsteps and saw Remus appear in the doorway.

He shoved himself away from the door as if it was going to curse him, tripping over the stairs.

“Remus!” She called out – not loudly, but she didn’t have to. The common room echoed her worried voice, ensuring the fact Remus knew she was there.

Standing up from her chair, the girl rushed towards the fallen boy and helped him stand up. She supported half of the crying boy’s weight before she gently placed him on one of the loveseats. She sat down next to him, and slowly brought his eyes to meet her own.

“They know.” He sobbed, tears running down his cheeks and wetting the shirt of his pajamas. He must’ve been getting ready to go to bed.

Lily wiped Remus’ tears with her pajama shirt’s sleeve, making shushing noises. A part of her, the part that was Loki, wanted to go and get revenge. It wanted to go and make the three boys in the Third Year Boys’ dorm cry as hard as they made her best friend.

But she didn’t go.

Because another part of her, the part that was very much Lily Evans, Stephen and Rose Evans’ daughter, knew that revenge had to wait because her friend _needed_ her more than he needed revenge.

“What do they know, Remus? What do they know?”

“I am a half-breed, a – a _monster_.” He said, although he didn’t seem to notice what he was saying and he continued to cry heavily.

Lily felt her heart sink when she heard him say those words. Not because he was a half-breed, but because he called himself a monster. Lily knew the face of a monster, and it wasn’t Remus’; Loki, haunted by the knowledge that he was the monster whom mothers warned against, pained by his so-called family’s lies, abused by his brother’s innocent cruelty and knowing he will never belong, became a monster.

She knew what half-breed were; children of non-humans like Veelas, Giants and so.  

They weren’t monsters.

She used to be, and Lily didn’t want to be Loki again. She didn’t want Remus to think like her past-self did, because that will eventually destroy him like it destroyed the dark prince of Asgard.

“No, you’re not – just because your mother is a werewolf, it doesn’t affect you!”

Because it had to be his mother right? Otherwise, Remus wouldn’t be using her as an excuse to leave school every month during the full moon, would he?

“You – you knew?” Remus looked so betrayed, and Lily’s heart _hurt_ because that was the same look Petunia leveled her with that day on King’s Cross Station.

The look that told Lily her relationship with her sister was broken without any hope of being repaired.

Lily didn’t want to lose Remus, because while Severus was her best friend, he wasn’t just a friend. Remus Lupin was the sibling Lily wanted to find in Petunia, and he was the brother Loki once hoped his brother will become.

Kind, smart, quiet but funny and strong and amazingly loud to those who knew how to listen.

She didn’t want to lose Remus.

“I didn’t.” She told him slowly, gripping Remus’ arm tightly. If she let him leave, he will avoid her, and their friendship will be nothing but memories of what once was.

She couldn’t let that happen.

“I guessed – but you know I don’t care, right?”

Lily felt Remus try to pull himself away but she only tightened her grip. She knew he was stronger than her; if he wanted to get her off, he could easily throw her off their shared seat. But the girl with emerald eyes knew that her friend – her _brother_ would never do that to her.

He cared too much, and he never used his strength to his own advantage.

“Remus I don’t care!” She insisted.

“Yes, you do! You’re just too nice!”

“Being nice has nothing to do with it! You’re just a… well, I know you don’t transform so I don’t really know _what_ you are but I do know that you are Remus Lupin and that you are my friend! Why should the fact you are half-anything matter?”

“Because I am _a monster_!” Remus sounded so _broken_ when he said those words that Lily wished she still possessed Loki’s strength and magic. If she had those, she would track down whoever whispered those dirty lies to him and she would _kill_ them.

Angry herself, Lily barely stopped herself from shouting as she let him go: “Clearly you don’t understand what a monster is; are you the same as those mad people who are killing and murdering Muggles and Muggle-borns?”

“NO!”

“Then how can you be a monster?!”

Remus didn’t answer her, but he didn’t leave either. He continued to cry, and Lily found herself crying too as hot tears left wet and cold trails on her cheeks. Remus tells her about his mother, about how she was bitten while he was still in her belly.

Some of her wolf traits passed down, he explained. He told her that he couldn’t transform to a wolf, but he was impervious to a wolf’s bite.

“Werewolves are calmer around their off-springs.” Remus explained, chuckling weakly at the word ‘off-spring’. “So she comes to the Shrieking Shack every full moon and I visit her to make it easier on her.”

He wasn’t being abused, no really. Because while the scratches and the bruises and sometimes the broken bones came from his mother, she would never hurt him in her human form, and her wolf form thought they were _playing._

Somehow, that didn’t do anything to appeal Mrs. Lupin to her. How could a mother ask her child to stay with her while she transformed into an uncontrollable beast?  

But Lily didn’t voice her thoughts because that was a private matter and she knew Remus wouldn’t appreciate her sticking her nose into his business.

Sitting on the loveseat with their shoulders touching, she knew they were going to be alright.

*

“Look! Wolves are calm around animals too!” Sirius whispered.

Not that it was working – Lily was three tables away from them but she could still hear them whispering to each other. Usually, she would’ve told them off for talking so callously about werewolves where anyone can walk in but the redhead allowed it this time.

They were researching on ways to help Remus, like she was and they were running out of time – in few hours they will be boarding the Hogwarts Express to go home.

She didn’t understand why the comments on animals were so important though – they needed something practical to help Remus protect himself from his mother. So far she was coming up with nothing.

“How is that important, Sirius?” Lily heard Peter whisper furiously, and she ignored the sting hate that came from her Loki side.

James slammed his fist against his palm. He whispered back, just as loudly as his friend was: “Good thinking Sirius! We can become Animagus!”

Lily perked her head at what he said. Of course! Why didn’t she think of that? If Remus became an Animagus his mother won’t hurt him _and_ she will be calm!

“B-but, that’s illegal!” Peter squeaked and Sirius waved his protests off.

“Few words in paper can’t stop us, Pettigrew.”

“We – we can’t brew the potion we need!”

Before James or Sirius could assuage their roommates fear, Lily closed her book loudly. The three boys looked to where she was sitting.

“You can’t.” She agreed. She then thought of the many hours Loki had dedicated to his study of magic – some practice and she will be as good as Slughorn was; she did have the knowledge of a half-millennium old wizard in her mind, after all. “But _I_ can.”

“You?” Sirius asked, as if he couldn’t believe her. “Goody two shoes Lily – _you_ want to help us?”

“No, I want to help Remus.” She corrected him sharply.

James stepped in front and walked towards where she was sitting. His hazel eyes met her green ones and he said, quite seriously: “Lily – even brewing the potion is _illegal_. Are you sure you want to do this?”

If she was caught, her wand would probably be snapped. She’d go home, no longer the prodigeuos daughter but the child who failed. The red haired girl imagined her parents expression, she imagined leaving Severus, Remus and even the TOT behind and she suddenly felt fear grip her heart.

_“Where dwells the brave at heart!”_

Lily thought of the day James promised her he’d help Remus. She thought of the reassuring weight of his hands on her shoulders and she remembered the fire of bravery that burned in his eyes that day.

Hoping that her eyes reflected the fire she had seen in James’ eyes that day, and tried to reclaim her mischievous spirit.

“Of course – I am a Gryffindor, aren’t I? I think I am entitled to a few brash  decisions, I think.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys notice that Loki had a smaller role in Lily's third year? I am curious to hear what you guys think about why that is happening!  
> I may not post the next chapter in time, but I will try :D  
> Next Chapter: The Beginning to the End (or Lily's fifth and seventh year)  
> EDIT: Next chapter will be an interlude. Sorry!


	6. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The following piece of fiction has not been beta'd or even proof read.

Interlude:

**A Rejection Lost in Time:**

Since he was a child, Remus knows loneliness.

He understands nervousness, and he is intimately aware of how painful the idea of rejection can be. You can’t be the son of a werewolf – a _half-breed_ – without knowing the bitter taste of disappointment, after all.

That is why he sympathized with Severus Snape in the beginning. Son of the disappointing Prince heiress, Severus knew nothing but the contempt of purebloods who saw his birth as a disgrace to what was once a proud and pure line of wizards and witches.

What Remus does not understand, however, is how that feeling of sympathy grew into friendship, and now into something like a crush.

He doesn’t particularly care that it’s a boy; he’s fourteen and it’s been nearly six years since he realized that he enjoyed holding hands with both boys and girls. He doesn’t care that Severus is not perfect, he doesn’t care that his friend is a “dirty Slytherin”. Instead, all he cares about is how much he _feels_ when he is with Severus.

He knows that the black haired boy does not trust him completely, but he is okay with that because when he is with Severus he feels calm and happy and passionate; the rare times he smiles makes his heart jump to his throat in nervous excitement.

But it wasn’t enough.

Remus craved Severus’s love – he wanted to know how mutual love felt, how it felt to be the one receiving love and passionate kisses. But, at the same time, he knew his love was doomed; Severus loved Lily.

Severus adored Lily, but he was too clumsy, too awkward to let the girl know how he felt. And Remus couldn’t bring himself to dislike the very first friend he made in Hogwarts, a girl with a cheerful smile and burning eyes. Instead, he resolved to at least _try_ – after all, his mother once said: “You only regret the things you don’t do”.

That is why he is standing in front of Severus, his heartbeat resounding loudly in his ears. Severus looks curious, his fingers tapping against the textbooks he carried.

“I…” He gripped his robes’ sleeves, resisting the urge to turn around and _run_. He bites his lip, and resolves to just _say_ it. His breath quickens, and his throat hurt as he uttered the words.

“Severus, I like you.”

Severus blinked at him, before his expression hardened. His face, angry and red, sported the expression he usually had on around James and Sirius. Remus dropped his head down and braced himself for the ruthless and merciless rejection that was sure to come.

Instead, he felt a warm hand rest on his shoulder. Despite the heavy rock that was his head, Remus managed to lift it up and meet Severus’s soft eyes.

Weakley, as if he hated saying those words, Severus replied: “I am sorry.”

As Severus turned and left, his pace quickening with every step he took, Remus felt his eyes burn – his chest felt like someone had taken a knife to it, and he couldn’t _breathe._ His hands shaking, the blond covered his face and he collapsed to his knees, his legs feeling like jelly that could not support his heavy weight.

“It’s okay.” He whispered to himself, as tears painted a wet trail over his face. “It’s okay and I will be okay – I will be okay.”

At fourteen, Remus Lupin experiences his first heartbreak.

*

**A Love Time Could Not Whither:**

Sirius Black fell in love when he was eight years old, although he didn’t know it back then.

At that age, the idea of love wasn’t _real_ to him. Growing up in a loveless home did that to a child; it made the idea of _love_ fantastical and unattainable. As such when he fell in love, he didn’t recognize it; instead, he only thought of it in the simple terms of wanting to stay with the honey-eyed blond forever.

It happened when his parents were visiting one of their relatives, the sickly Sigmund Black and his wife Margaret in St. Mungo’s. While Regulus was reasonably behaved, Sirius had disappointed his mother with his constant “mundane, tiresome and unnerving” humming, forcing her to kick him out of the bored Sigmund’s room, but not before giving him a smack on his face.

Humiliated, Sirius turned and wondered around the almost empty floor. Turning a corner, Sirius turned and sat down on one of the cold, hard chairs the hospital provided its visitors with. Biting his lip, he tried to hold back his tears.

“That looks painful.”

Looking up with wet eyes, Sirius saw another boy standing in front of him. The boy wore a hospital gown, with more than half of his body covered in bandages – heck, half of his face was wrapped up! If his mother was here, she would turn her nose up and insult the boy. She would then make sure both of her children copied her “proper” actions.

Sirius’s cheek stings in a painful reminder.

“Yeah.” He quietly replied, looking down. “It does.”

The boy’s honey-gold eyes blinked at Sirius, the surprised expression telling him that the other boy wasn’t expecting for Sirius to answer him so calmly. The blond sat down next to him carefully, a flash of pain appearing in his face.

“… Are you okay?” Sirius asked awkwardly and slowly; he wasn’t used to asking others about their health. In fact, he wasn’t used to speaking to anyone who wasn’t his blood.

The boy gave him a weak smile, but Sirius was taken aback by the strength he witnessed in the boy’s eyes. It was beautiful.

“Oh this? Don’t worry – I’ve survived worse.” The boy’s chubby fingers brushed against Sirius’s cheek in a comforting manner. “That looks nasty though, did you hit a wall?”

Sirius lent into the gently touch, seeking more of the other child’s warmth. “Something like that.”

The bandaged boy laughed, and his laugh was so infectious, Sirius found himself smiling along.  

“Clumsy.”  The boy teased. Then, he moved away from the subject of injuries to his favorite Quidditch team, which Sirius thought was rubbish and he told him so.

The golden eyes boy puffed up his cheeks and told him: “ _You’re_ rubbish.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah!”

Afterwards, when they’re both red faced from giggling, the boy turned and faced him with a contemplative look on his face. “I’ll be here for a few more days. Will you come and visit?”

Sirius, eager to repeat the fun they had today and filled with an intense desire to be _with_ the boy again, nodded his head. “Sure.”

And he did. He came to visit every day of the month the boy stayed, making up excuses to his parents and even breaking an arm on a memorable occasion, but he never asked the boy for his name, and neither did the boy ask for his.

They thought they had all the time in the world to be together, but the boy eventually left St. Mungo and Sirius found himself with no way of finding the boy.

“Don’t worry,” Regulus told him one day, trying to snap him out of his miserable funk. “You two were the same age, so you’ll attend Hogwarts at the same time won’t you?”

Sirius, upon hearing that, was filled with hope. Just four more years until he can be with the boys again, and this time Sirius will know his name and they can be friends forever!

After that, every time his parents beat him or tried to change him, Sirius remembered the boy and his honey eyes. The boy became a symbol of hope to Sirius, reminding him that good things _do_ exist, and that one good thing in the world belonged to _him_.

At eleven years old, Sirius was reunited with his blond friend, although Remus Lupin does not recognize him and seems to have replaced him with some red haired know-it-all, and he steals Potter’s stash of itching powder to have his revenge.

(At eleven years old, he learnt that Lily Evans aka the know-it-all had a mean right hook and wouldn’t mind punching him again if he kept filling Remus’s shoes with itching powder.)

At fourteen years old, as he watches a flushed Remus confess to a heartless Slytherin, Sirius Black understands why the memory of Remus holding his hand with a shy smile meant so much to him.

At fourteen years old, Sirius Black understands that he has been in love with Remus Lupin since he was eight.

*

**Two People who Once Were One:**

Loki doesn’t remember how he became Lily.

That’s a lie, but lies are okay right? His Father – no, _Odin_ ’s court never passed up a chance to ridicule him for his clever tongue and his capabilities with magic.

Prince of lies and illusions? Bah! More twisted truths left his mouth than lies – if people believed his version of the truth, then have they not but themselves to blame? If everyone called him a liar and trickster, then why not become what they made him out to be? Why not use the words that were meant to hurt as a justification to protect the new him?

Lily Evans. She doesn’t know that she shares her mind with him – oh she is aware of him, but she believes that he is her past and she is his future. As she grows older, he becomes less and less central in their life; the blurry lines between who Loki is and who Lily is, is becoming more and more smudged.

There is nothing more he fears than Lily becoming Loki and Loki becoming Lily.

Lily knows about the pain, she thinks she knows the pain but she doesn’t; not really – she feels its echoes, because the pain is his, and they are one. More than anything, he wants to preserve the girl’s innocence, keep his pain from becoming hers.

He doesn’t want Lily to be consumed by what Loki is, for Lily Evans is precious.

She is him, and she is loved. She is him, and she is exalted for her abilities. She was him, but she is Lily.

Lily is him, but she doesn’t know the bitterness of injustice. Lily is him, but she doesn’t know what it means to be overlooked. Loki is Lily, but she is a new chapter in a very thick, very battered tome.

Loki knows that soon Lily and Loki will become one – he knows that he will disappear, and Lily will be the new Loki. He doesn’t mind disappearing – he is okay with that. It was his hand that slipped through Thor’s, dying then was his choice and dying now is his choice once more.

He knows she will carry his bitterness, his hate, his _disappointment_. There is nothing he can do about that. The only thing he _can_ do is try – try to keep the pain from infecting Lily, from driving her over the edge like it drove him.

So Loki keeps his tongue still and let Lily control their life without interruption. Instead, he focuses on his memories and tries to build walls that will keep his memories at bay when he is finally, finally gone.

Loki remembers how he became Lily, but that is a secret he’d rather carry to his grave than give away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Swipes dust off this fic*  
> COUGH! COUGH! COUGH! God, when did all this dust appear?  
> Anywho, this isn't the promised chapter "Beginning to the End" BUT this chapter belongs here time-wise soooooo...  
> University sucks and physics sucks too. Does anyone know of any good resources I can use to review? Remember, less time I study, more time for fanfiction... ^^;  
> Anyway, thank you everyone who gave Kudos and reviewed, you all deserve a cookie.  
> Look forward to the next chapter: "Beginning to the End".


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